Weeeeeee kersplash

Woop woop weee splash cough spluttter ooh that's cold, will I actually fit through there- it's a good job Martyn is not here, oooof good job have hard hat. What is this "chocolate fish" sweet guide has given me to eat, only outside is chocolate, inside is marshmallow, ugh what a waste of chocolate and can I sue for trade descriptions?

There is nothing like squeezing into wet booties and wet suit, putting on little ankle boots, squeezing your bum into a suitably selected inner tube (without my glasses on I chose one with pretty orange bits on I thought they were polka dots - oooops they were patches, group was in fits at me!) jumping backwards into very cold river to practice (and get wetsuit even wetter and booties full of water) only to be told you have 15 min walk to cave.

Down small dark hole we go, eyes get used to dark so off we stomp. Three mins in wonder what on earth I'm doing as I sit in my inner tube and jump into a small amount of White water to end up down a tunnel where my head nearly touches the ceiling.

Jumped off waterfalls (which I'm sure were not as big as they seemed) which we had to jump off backwards (probably a good thing as I may have Bottled it if I could actually have seen where they wanted me to go!
Through a little squeeze and oooooh the glow worms.

Glow worm facts for today - they are actually maggots and not only do they eat their parents but the first to hatch also eats it's brother and sisters. The hungrier they are the brighter they glow. Oh, and just before they die they have sex for 48 hours and half the adult body weight is it's genitalia. Strangely the males then die of exhaustion. Apparently it's their poo that glows as well.

But as the guide pointed out "carnivorous, cannibalistic maggots that have lots of sex and shiny poo" doesn't sound quite the same as "glow worms" on the family friendly advertising! (guide didn't use the word "lots of sex" and "shiny poo" either but I'll leave you to imagine the actual phrases!)

Finish off with a gentle float through the "tunnel of love" which would be better named "tunnel of mild concussion" for those who did not see or manage to avoid the bulbous stalactite hanging down! For once I did not bash my head and so was able to fully appreciate gently gliding along back into the daylight.